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I did not write for a few days but that is okay. Funnily, I am not sure if this is causation but at least correlation—I feel like the last few days have been a bit anxiety filled and stressful. I mean I have been I’d say a bit busier than I have been over the past few months. But it is not about that. It is more that I have just been ruminating more and more, and perhaps, perhaps that has something to do with my lack of writing. I am not sure what came first or second or what not. But nonetheless. I think this is a reminder to myself that writing – writing for thinking I mean – is the type of thing that you could/should invest in especially when things are going good. Because it’s a means and forcing function of sorts for not falling off the cliff. Falling off the horse and getting into a spiral. Spirals are fine. They happen. But I don’t like them because they take a lot of time. They distract from the fun of doing productive useful things. My brain sometimes spirals. Not like in a fully depressed state. But perhaps a partial one. I just feel nervous more than I would like..

These nerves present an interesting situation for myself. They prompt the question of “is this feeling a good thing?” or a bad thing? Do you ever find yourself doing that?

Sometimes it feels good to be alone.

Sometimes it feels scary.

Both can be true. Both thoughts feel quelled by remembering that one day I am going to die and this is all for naught potentially.

Wow I feel all over the place in this essay. I am going to amp up my writing. Normally I write for something like 13 minutes a day on this blog. I am curious what it would look like to write for 1 hour straight on this blog. I have never done that so far. All of my thoughts have been more stream of conscious style stuff. Maybe I could write a short story. I think I would like trying to write fiction essays. Essays that explain ideas in my head in a more orthogonal way. I am going to try that.


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