thinking thinking

Just going to write and see what happens. That’s the reality of a lot of this blog. There is no real master plan. I just sit down. And I write. Sometimes I get anxious of sorts while I am writing. And then I stop writing. And then, well, I come back and start writing again. It’s similar to me at the gym. I kinda get distracted when I’m working out. I mean I don’t try to. I try to stay present. But my mind wanders. Maybe I look at my phone. And then eventually I feel like I should probably get back to reality. Reality being…what? What am I rushing for? Really, what do I really need to go do? The reality is that that reality I have been thinking about or fixated on in my head is really a construct of sorts. I mean I have things I can do. But if I were to not do them, eh. Things would be okay. Or if they were delayed by an hour. Or two. Or a day. I mean the world would not break.

The thing I have been thinking about though is just continually eliminating the things in the first place. Like why am I getting on the phone for a particular call? Why am I booking meetings in the first place? Let’s get ahead of that. Let’s just eliminate that from being a thing that happens. And then I don’t need to have mediocre/boring calls. I can just exist more or less in the present. And see what happens on my own.

I started going to therapy again something like 2 months ago. I used to go. I mean I have gone to lots of different therapists over the years. This time, though, has been a bit different of an experience. Better. But also my situation has been better. I have approached this therapy setting with lower expectations. Lower in that I am not expecting this person to really solve my problems and tell me what to do. in the past I think I was more looking for a coach of sorts for someone to like tell me what to do that would solve my interpersonal and intrapersonal problems. This I think is probably just the wrong expectation to be having. It’s the wrong expectation to have in general in life to think that other peopel can just tell you what to do. I think whenever I catch myself thinking that is what’s happening – I should stop myself.


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