that phase of life

I am entering that phase of life. The mid to late twenties. Where your parents are getting older. I feel bad about this. And sad about it. Words honestly don’t capture exactly how I feel, but nonetheless I will try. I will try to put into words what it feels like to see youth escape. Escape from the body and leave the soul. To see people getting older is one thing. To see them getting older when they are not ready to be older, perhaps that is another. I am grateful and lucky my parents are healthy and alive. But we know life is not forever. I hope they live forever. I hope them no suffering. But alas reality is finite.

My dad and I were driving the other day. And we drove into this assisted living type neighborhood. He hated it. We didn’t go for him. At all. It was just that we were driving by it and noticed it from the window. He’s 55 or so, and the community is for people 55+. He remarked on how sad life looked there. And how even more sad it was that he was now old enough in theory to qualify for living in that environment.

Man that gave me chills.

We drove around and man it looked dead. No life. No one walking around. No energy. Just boring vanilla homes and people trapped there.

It gets worse surely.

But man it gave me chills.

It gave me chills to see what happens. To really vibrant people even. Life is just so short. We have so little time. We think way too much about things that don’t matter. We gotta just go for the yolo mentality. Hah. That’s what i tell myself sometimes. It’s easier said than done. But man life is short.

My dad is the type of person who is still full of life and energy. He wants to do so much more than he’s done. And he feels trapped in ways. Limited by bottlenecks. He’s an inspiration to me in many ways. Though I would not like to be like him in many other ways. But nonetheless, the observation from the car. the gander from the window. The simple remark.

It gave me chills.

When I see pictures of old people and compare them with their younger selves, I am just so reminded on the fragility of life. And beauty. And these things that are transient. As opposed to being a real human. As opposed to caring about what you can actually control.

I want energy. I have energy. And man you probably don’t appreciate the simple things like your health and beauty and what not until they are gone. And once they are gone, there is really nothing you can do.

If you start surrounding yourself with boring dead people early on in life, this stuff happens a lot sooner perhaps.

Now one option is to run from it. To pretend you are younger than you are perhaps. That comes across weird too. I mean weird when it’s forced.

I think another option is to more or less accept the flow of life.

But acceptance is one of those things that does not give me peace. People say it does. But I view life in ways as a fight against the reversion to the mean. Sure you can accept the reversion to the mean but man it feels good to fight it at times. To fight the entropy.


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