so many calls

I did so many calls. It was post pandemic. And I just. I just started doing more and more Zoom calls. I did 14 a day. For an entire year. I didn’t even do it consciously. I thought it was my job. I thought it was what I was supposed to do. To do calls. More calls. More Zooms. I scheduled them all myself. I didn’t have an assistant or anything. I mean I tried that before but I ended up just doing it myself. I did literally thousands of calls. People would pop into my zoom room. And then they’d be gone 25 minutes later. I did 25 minute calls. Not 30. Thought the extra 5 minutes would save me time and energy. A huge percentage of the calls I hated. I hated when people were late. I hated when people canceled. I hated when people came unprepared. When people had no agenda for the meeting. I would get off the call early. I just wanted to keep going. To get through the day. I thought this was my job. I thought this was work. It was not. I did this to myself. It was no one else telling me to do this. Not directly. I just thought this would get me ahead. This would help the company. It was wrong. It was not the right way to go about work.

Now I try and do less calls. Way less. But I’m still scarred. I still default to meetings more than I should. I mean I like async. It’s not that I default to meetings. It’s that I default to delegation or outsourcing. Rather than just doing myself. I default to connecting and linking. Rather than just staring and solving. It’s a bad bias. Bad because ineffective.

I want to lean into my strengths. In weird ways – I learned about stamina. And endurance. The amount of calls I did was so many. That’s the amount. So many. But it ruined my view of people. Not solely. But contributed. Like…I wasn’t really treating people like people. I was treating them like…like people on a screen. People who would just pop in and out. People who could be summoned. I was so anxious probably in those calls. To keep them going. I got bored easily. I’d move on. I was just stressed out. I was stressed when people would not be prepared for the meeting. But it was me being stressed. And I would project it onto them.


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