aware

Detecting bullshit comes naturally to me. Maybe it’s just that I am neurotic. Or maybe I am defensive and projecting my inability to trust most people. Maybe. Maybe that’s what it is driving my ability to see through bullshit in seconds. Like I am always on. Detecting. Confidence seems obvious. Can someone actually speak with clarity? Maybe they are bad at speaking. Maybe. But more likely they are just full of shit and have no idea what they are talking about.

These are the stories in my head when I engage with a lot of people. Myself included. See how that works. That bullshit filter also applies to me. I feel pain. Literal physical pain. Like I get a twitch when my life gets filled with bullshit.

We can define bullshit in a second. Because I know I have a lot of it. Less so a lot of it in terms of quantity. More so my foundation is full of it and then it leaks into other places. It goes bottom up. Or top down. Whatever you want to call it. It spreads. It infects places.

I think this is the case for a lot of people. They are not bad or evil or anything of the sort. They have no bad intentions. Not that they are not lazy. They are lazy. It’s more that they are not actively trying to hurt anyone. But it’s not really in their control. Because their life is so fucked up. So messy. So NOT coordinated. Internally.

The foundation they are standing on is lies. Lies told to them before they could really do anything with their lives. And they have compounded. By teachers. By professors. By bosses.

Like their work actually matters. Matters to who? Over what time horizon?

These are hard questions. Sure. I agree.

But not answering them – what does that do to us?

It just makes our foundation bullshit. Like not clear. Full of stuff we don’t understand.

And so, how can we be high agency. Marching. When we don’t know what’s driving us?

And so when you interact with someone who doesn’t know, forget that, they don’t even care to be aware of these massive influences…then of course it is going to be bullshit.

Their goals will be.

Their experiences will be.

Their whole vibe is standing on a foundation of lies.

They look in the mirror. They tell themselves they are a scientist. They are technical. No. They are just a salesperson. An agent. A charlatan.

But they won’t accept that. Who would? That story breaks their identity. Or their dream identity.

But they are important. They must be safe. They cannot let themsevles fail. Wrong. They aren’t. They are nobody.

They is me. I mean not fully. I believe in what I do. But I also know what it is that I am doing. What matters and what does not. And where I get confused.

I am that guy. And I am the one that is sometimes full of shit. It’s one thing to be selling shit. It’s another to pretend it’s not.

I want to cleanse myself of that. Of that garbage. Of those lies. They are small. But they compound.

Say what something is. What’s the game you are playing. You can play any game. But call it what it is. Do not lie about it. Not to others. You are not lying to others. I mean to yourself. You are the only person who matters here.

Why do you need a story for yourself so badly? Who cares? Who cares about the story?

If you are so worried about the story, how will you protect the moment? Forget protect. How will you experience it?


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