lonesome

I have gotten a lot better at being alone. I feel like growing up I was often afraid of being alone. I wanted my parents around. I am not sure when precisely it changed. But it changed. And now, and now I really like being alone. I really like not having to worry about other people being around. I am not sure precisely why that is, though. I am also not sure how long that will last. I feel like I go in phases. Sometimes, I really like the stability and quiet and really predictable nature of just having my own space. Feels like nothing for me to worry about. And then, and there are other times where I feel nervous that I am spending too much time alone. I find that when I’m bored, I sometimes resort to bad habits. Like I eat less healthy when I have nothing going on. I feel like my stomach just rumbles or whatever. Wants something to do. But when I’m busy. Especially working in person not just on Zoom or whatever – I feel like I rarely get hungry and I just feel a lot better.


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