living alone

This is my very first time living alone. I have spent time alone. Traveled the world alone. But this is my first time living in my own apartment of sorts. It’s not a big building. And I don’t have to walk by a bunch of people in order to get into my house. I say that because, well, living alone could perhaps have many definitions. And the definition I am using here is not that alone. Like I still see humans. Every day. At the gym mainly. And then sometimes when I walk over to campus 1-2x a week. But it’s not like I am seeing people all that often.

That is new to me. The not seeing people thing. Because, well, for years, for all the years of my life, I have never lived alone.

It was not that living with other people was this constant expression of interaction. I was not the type of person to like sit in the living room all day and watch tv with friends or spend all day talking about life.

I was close with the people I lived with. I never lived with strangers, either. Always lived with friends. Well for at least the last many years.

But now…well now I am alone. I am in a new city, too. A city where I do not really know many people. Like I know some people. And we are somewhat close. Like I could get meals alone with.

But I still call my other friends. My friends that perhaps if we were in person some of life’s interactions would be smoother. Cleaner. Less friction.

But I chose. I chose to come here. To a new place. A new city. Basically by myself. And so I am not complaining. Not in the slightest.

This life alone thing. This living in my own apartment. It has already taught me a lot. And I am really just starting. Maybe 12 days into it. And I am already. ALREADY. Learning a ton. Having learned a ton. Etc.

Most of the learning comes in the pace. The pace feels far more correlated to my mood. More in tune with my emotions.

That is not to say the pace is always fast. Or slow. Or consistent.

It is just a direct product of my energy.

And so I feel that I am more aware of my energy levels.

For if anything I want to do – well, it’s up to me. There’s no excuse. There’s no hidden incentive.

I think a lot about this tension as I have written about before. The tension between abundance and scarcity.

What is the right mindset to have?

What is right?

That gets a bit abstract and esoteric, and I rather not go there. At least right now.

I notice my energy a lot more these days.

Listen to my body if you will.

While writing this I feel a bit tired. And I don’t like that. It’s still kinda morning. I already did the whole gym thing this morning.

A big thing for me these days is a focus on physical health. That is a big foundation of my life type of thing. A non negotiable.

And now, because I have so much freedom, I am thinking about what to add to this foundation. What else should be non negotiable?

Eating right is in that category.

But what else? What else fits in?

One thing for me is reading. And writing. So two things.

I am trying to make those absolute foundational aspects of my day. And they are.

Some days I am tired. And I feel tested then. But I shouldn’t. It’s non negotiable.

When you live alone, well, you get to choose what is non negotiable. You get to choose what you can compromise on versus not.

And those are things that I am choosing not to compromise on.

This time alone has been healthy in ways. I feel in control. And that feels good.

Control isn’t always good, though. Or at least not the argument I’m making.

Who wants to be in control when things are failing? When the systems are swerving?

Well, I do. That’s my mindset right now. And that’s why I’m living alone. I want less influence.

But when I say living alone, I think I forget just how connected we all are, especially nowadays.

I am still very much connected to the hamster wheel. The internet. I have so much freedom. But the impulse to logon. Oof. That’s tough.

I want to change that. I think I’ll have more energy as a result.

So stay tuned. That’s a focus area for me. Changing that impulse.


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