i havent grinded

My truth is that i have not worked hard. I have talked about kobe. I am not kobe. Pronounced the right way.

Being somewhat good at things. Even somewhat. Is a curse. It teaches you that you can skate by and get lucky. You can’t. Not if you want. Well not if you want something real and ambitious.

I can skate by for a long time. I used to not know how long. Now I know. I could skate by forever. Truly forever. I could live my whole life like this. Never going too deep. Just the scratching of the surface. Bouncing around and making incremental improvements. On and on and on.

But not actually working hard. Not truly suffering.

Motion created yes. Money? Yes. Value? Yes.

But real work? Real, hard, proud work?

No.

I’d be an agent. And it’d be profitable.

And I could avoid doing what I know is hard. I could avoid saying no. Basically not really saying no to things — and maintaining unlimited optionality.

I could do this. I so could do this.

I have a ton of energy. A gross amount really. An amount most people don’t have. But I really only deploy it towards surface level things. Not grinding. Just touching surfaces, bouncing off of them, and moving to the next category of things.

Over and over.

I am great at that.

But that is not grinding.

Part of me wants to grind.

Like real grind.

Like go learn biology.

Go learn piano.

Go get ripped.

Like do something that requires you to sit in a room with no distractions no phone no nothing. Just your brain. Your brain confronting the thing directly in front of it.

No one to beat. To impress. To win.

Just you.

You versus you.

The grind.

It’s been too long.


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