fairweather

I rarely feel content with the present. Like I have a great living situation right now. It’s clean. Few things bother me. I have a routine that I know is healthy for me. I am alone a good amount – but that’s by choice. I live right near a school that I go into work at every so often. The weather is about to turn quite nice for the summer. I pay a decent amount for rent but it’s affordable enough. I live well.

And yet.

And yet.

I am moving.

I came here with a purpose – which was to get “clean.” Not from like drugs and stuff. Just from distractions. From motion. From moving around all to much. And so I moved here like 5 months ago and I have basically achieved that. That steady state. I feel good about it.

And yet, I am moving again. I am moving to another country, actually. I am moving to Europe, London specifically. I have never lived outside the US for more than 6 months. I lived in Hong Kong for 6 months. That was for study abroad. That was a great experience.

I am pretty excited to move. But I am now again asking myself why am I excited to move. Why am I excited to make more changes? Why can’t I be content with the current?

In many ways that is a cynical view. I am able to enjoy the present but I am also able to look forward to the future. I find I like having something to look forward to. Something hard. Something kinda crazy.

For example, I am signing up for my second marathon. I want to do it in some random country. Like Iceland or Kenya (or maybe both). So I have been kinda obsessing over the idea of doing another marathon. Like just for the past few days. I am rallying friends and seeing if they will do it with me.

I am also doing an insane road trip in a few weeks. With a close friend. 8 days. Cross country. It’s an adventure.

I like adventures.

But I also like the stability of my current life. The simple clean life. I have gone to the gym and/or run every day since I moved here. Like 90 days. And i feel like I could sustain it for a long while longer. I could just keep doing this. I could keep going basically forever.

And yet. Again, I say it – I am craving something more and something new. I think Europe and London will provide new challenges. I hope to stay there at least 12 months. That’s my current mentality. I think I will learn a lot. I will probably have to travel a bit to the US. But I think it will be a great mix of stuff.

It’s a bit of a lone wolf move. I don’t really know all too many people.

I have written about before but like I do think stability is underrated. Like a lot of the returns of your life come from staying in the same place for a longer period of time. Like probably after 6 years of living in the same community, you unlock some set of things that are not obvious. Not obvious to the fairweather person like myself.


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